My observations below are a culmination of numerous books and articles I've read on happiness and the way our brain physically processes our life experiences, with citations included. Very humbly put, all relevant information about happiness is summarized below, and there's really nothing more to it. If you're looking for eternal bliss, read no further than what I've written here to put your life into perspective. After reading this blog entry, at a minimum you will have a better understanding of your perception of happiness, what it is and isn't, and at best you may fine tune some of your behavior toward a different life objective. 50 years from now, there will be no new research that will add to the basic principles of well being, unless we have managed to manipulate the wiring of the brain to change this game of life that has persisted for thousands of years since our Cro-Magnon days. There's a lot of fluffy information out there, and will continue to be published to serve someone's selfish reason to enhance credibility or generate grants or income.
Here's a basic fact of life that merits early mention: Barring any significant mental complication, your brain is pre-programmed to be malcontent. This is why given enough time, you will take for granted the good things in life. If you've managed to appreciate a good marriage, a job or your good health, it's because you have been making an effort to think about them and reinforce that thinking in various ways. Your tendency not to be content is ingrained in you to facilitate the struggle for different and hopefully better outcomes. In a simple mathematical model of probabilities which much of life on earth has been subservient to, the individuals who were on the move to improve their position would strive and dominate the gene pool. If you had ancestors who were supremely complacent, you wouldn't exist. The very nature of reproduction involves struggle. If you took constant pleasure in watching MTV's Jersey Shore on your couch, you would have minimal opportunities to generate enough interest in the opposite sex for a chance to reproduce. Your interest in each successive episode of these degenerates would wane until you could no longer tolerate their idiotic antics, and you'd move onto something different, at least temporarily. And the algorithm of life will constantly bet on your subsequent activity to further your survival and push you to reproduce.
You may be among the many who marvel at the thought of achieving celebrity status; money and fame. Yet, judging by divorce rates and behavior of this bunch, they do not appear to have such an enormous happiness advantage. Clearly,
money doesn't bring happiness, although its deficiency contributes to misery.
The second important dynamic to take note of is the suboptimal way our brains are wired (
Kluge), and how this creates uncertainties and inefficiencies in the game of life. Evolution can produce spectacularly suboptimal designs because rather than scratching currently outdated systems and building new ones from the ground up every now and then, every system is an improvement over the previous inferior system. This eventually results in a patchwork of some sorts. Our brain is a byproduct of this system, and no less susceptible to its shortcomings. We have at our disposal a processor that is flawed, and would do ourselves a service if we recognize its flaws and find ways to marginalize them. How often to people get themselves into dead end relationships? Your subconscious mind is a thing of beauty, but it's also the reason why you pick abusers if you've grown up in an abusive home - it's your comfort zone. Identify your subconscious tendencies early to help avoid its pitfalls (therapy anyone?).
Our brains are wired a certain way to cope with external stimuli in our quest to survive and reproduce. While reproduction is not the objective of every human, much of our behavior is innately and subconsciously tuned to socialization and reproduction, often without our knowledge. If you're a male, your motivation to achieve financial success is largely to increase your chances of mating, whether you're on the market or not. If you're a female, the endless hours you spend shopping for shoes, clothes and makeup are a byproduct of your innate desire to attract the highest quality mate. That's why in every department store female items are in the forefront, whereas male clothing is relegated to second class citizen status in the back of the store or in a different geographical location altogether.
Here's what happiness is not:
It is not an endless stream of instant gratification; the kind that is experienced from the release of dopamine in the brain from activities such as eating Trader Joe's ice cream, and consuming illegal substances such as cocaine (
hedonic well being). Too often, people equate happiness with the frequency and duration of experiences involving instant gratification, e.g. consumption (buying a new car), or increasing income to consume. This kind of happiness, while desirable for a short period, is fleeting. It is also the focus of billions of dollars of product and service promotional activities. How often do you see ads for reducing calories in your diet? It's unfortunate that the deck is stacked against us, and that we are exposed and react to endless detrimental messages to our physical and mental well being. Too much of instant gratification activities will leave you yearning for more, much like a heroin addict who chases that initial high incessantly.
Here's what the venerable Hollywood actor, Brad Pitt eloquently opined in an
interview with Australian 60 Minutes:
“I think happiness is overrated, truthfully. I do,” says the Moneyball star, who has kids Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, Knox and Vivienne with his partner Angelina Jolie. “I think sometimes you’re happy, sometimes you’re not. There’s too much pressure to be happy. I don’t know. I don’t really give a s–t. I know I will be at times and I know I won’t be at times. Satisfied, at peace, those would be more goals for myself.”
In one simple paragraph, Mr. Pitt has shifted the objective from happiness to satisfaction. And satisfaction in life emanates from living it with a
greater sense of purpose - fostering relationships, working in a profession that is meaningful to you, helping others. And here are a few things to avoid - yes, satisfaction is just as much about avoiding factors that reduce well being as pursuing the ones that promote it:
- Materialism: The less you value material things, the better
- Trust: The less you trust others, the unhappier you are
- Inequality: Pay no attention to your neighbor's socio-economic status. While it's true that the more equal societies are happier ones (e.g. All Scandinavian countries - read Thrive), if you live in an unequal society (U.S., England), you would fair better by consciously avoiding a comparison of yourself to others. This is a cross cultural tendency, pointing to its innate characteristic.
- Expectations: High expectations can and often do lead to disappointment. Temper your expectations to match your abilities, even if it means missing the opportunity to becoming the next Steve Jobs. For every Mr. Jobs, there are at least a million wannabes, but our culture has a way of perpetuating the lottery mentality.
- Complexity: The more your life gets complicated, the more stressful it becomes. Simplify your life as much as you can. Avoid credit card debt and people with credit card debt.
Finally, if all else fails you can delude yourself into satisfaction. Conjure up a world that is fine tuned to your desires and dive into it mentally. The expression "as happy as a pig in shit" comes to mind. Time for chocolate now....
