Suicide Mission to Mars?!

Is this real or a joke?  No matter, I will be keeping track of Mars One’s mission to send humans on a one way mission to Mars within 10 years in September 2022   .  Mars One is a company cofounded by 35 year old Dutch Bas Landsdorp.  Their introductory video on YouTube shows the participation of 1999 Nobel Prize winner theoretical physicist, Dr. Gerard T. Hooft, so these guys aren’t f*cking around.  And they have signed letters of intent from major aerospace companies around the world to supply Mars One with material and equipment for this mission.  The funding will be entirely from the private sector, and Mars One will turn this into a Big Brother type reality show unlike anything we’ve seen.

40 people will be selected through a global lottery to train in a mock colony in a desert somewhere soon.  The final team will be whittled down to 10 individuals.  The reality show will begin with the selection and training process, and be a major source of funding for this endeavor.

And just what obstacles does Mars One have to overcome to make this trip a reality?  By the way, I just realized this mission does not have to culminate in a success for Mars One to be successful.  The trip to Mars will take seven months.  Even half of that would provide adequate footage for a lucrative reality show.  Imagine the sponsors who would line up for a chance to hawk their products during each episode watched by billions?  So if heaven forbid, the Mars One space team blows up mid flight, Mars One’s business idea does not.

Anyway, Todd Halvorson published a September 2^nd, 2012 article in USA Today, titled “Landing People on Mars:  5 obstacles”, and those obstacles are:

Muscle and bone loss from being immersed in zero gravity, cancer from radiation exposure, and a whole host of other bio breakdowns, e.g. impaired vision.  But that’s if it takes the 2-3 years Mr. Halvorson assumes using today’s technology.  Mr. Halvorson is thoughtful enough to suggest remedies to all of these potential problems, except sex.  The National Academy of Sciences has reviewed NASA’s Bioastronautics Roadmap, and discovered “human sexuality was given no consideration”.  Fear not with Mars One’s version of the mission.  Reality shows thrive on that one aspect of human biological tendency, and Mars One producers will make this a priority to facilitate, with multiple cameras in a smoosh room for this purpose, a al Jersey Shore.  In fact, I’m willing to bet without a smoosh room this trip will be a no go.

We hope much success to Dutch entrepreneur Mr. Landsdorp and his Mars One company.  Heck, I’d seriously consider employment at Mars One given the right opportunity.

Stop pumping kids full of arithmetics – there’s a better way, a review of "How Children Succeed", by Paul Tough

This is not just a book about changing public policy to give impoverished kids the best chance to succeed.  All parents can put the theories of enhancing success factors to work for their children by focusing on character traits such as conscientiousness, grit, delayed gratification, persistence etc.  These non-cognitive skills – and Mr. Tough characterizes them as skills because they are malleable and prone to influence through early intervention – are just as much predictors of success as cognitive skills.  The conventional view of pumping with and measuring child development on the basis cognitive skills, e.g. IQ is outdated.  How well your child can persist when faced with mundane and often unrewarding tasks is more important.  The ability to delay gratification is important, and in that regard, Mr. Tough cites a famous Marshmallow experiment conducted years ago, whereby kids who were able to hold off eating a marshmallow for the promise of eating two became more successful than the ones who forgo the reward.

This very important and entertaining book is about solving the mystery of predicting “who succeeds and who fails”, and there are strong indicators that conventional wisdom may not hold.  Mr. Tough draws on numerous unconventional U.S. educational programs such as KIPP focusing on non-cognitive skills of  children from high stress and adversity familial background, and what methods they have employed to close the gap with children from affluent background.  There are intriguing studies from diverse topics such as chess and nurturing lab rats to explore the neuroscientific and psychological basis of the arguments presented as well.  HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

Link to a September 7th, 2012 WSJ article on this book:  Opting out of the rug rat race

I hope your sore arm gets better in 100 days

The account of events that transpired on one night in early to mid 2012 has been printed without permission from my wife, Helena.  This story begged to be told, and I couldn't keep it from the world any longer.  If the blog below is erased for any reason, it should be painfully obvious who wears the pants in this relationship....

Tonight (some time in early to mid 2012), while Helena was putting Elin and Johanna to sleep, the effort turned into a bit of a comedy show.

Background:  Johanna plays with Helena’s right hand fingers, especially her thumb, every night comforting herself to sleep.  On most nights, she fidgets with both hands.  Elin prefers no touch, but lots of conversation.  Johanna sleeps on the left side of Helena, and Elin on the right.

The fiasco:  This particular night, Elin demanded Helena’s right hand.  So the two of them went berserk fighting over Helena’s right hand – lots of screaming and crying.  Then suddenly, in pitch black Helena felt a bite on her forearm.  Helena then asked Elin to move away for fear of getting bit again.  Elin said “I’m sorry.  I thought that was Johanna’s arm.”

A while later, Johanna agreed to give up Helena’s left arm, so Elin now had possession of that arm which has been sore for the past few days.  After lying in that awkward position with arms crossed, Helena told Elin her arm was hurting and she needed to move it.  Elin replied, “okay, I can let go.  I hope it’ll get better soon, maybe in 100 days.”  Helena replied, “I hope it doesn’t take that long.”  Elin responded, “Okay, maybe 50 days then.”

Common sense is the best guide - A review of "The myth of the first three years"

I am a parent of a 2 and 4 year old, and at no time was I exposed to the myth of the first 3 years, nor of the belief that the first 3 years of a child’s life have life-long intelligence and school achievement implications.

In "The Myth of the First Three Years", author John T. Bruer, Ph.D., dissects numerous studies from neuroscience and cognitive psychology to debunk myths and their perpetrators who improperly use science to bolster the claim that early intervention programs are essential to healthy brain development.  The authors of many of these studies are at odds with the conclusions of science writers and policy makers, he asserts.  While child policy advocates to not espouse these unfounded ideas out of ulterior motives, and their intentions are no doubt altruistic, funds and resources are wasted and misappropriated as a result, e.g. the government Head Start program.

The best parenting advice is one that has been in existence for over 60 years, which is first, do no harm, and second, talk, sing and play with your children.  Then allow nature take its course.  Children are resilient, and brains remain plastic throughout life.

Mr. Bruer is to be commended for his exhaustive research in separating fact from fiction.

2012 Highest Paying U.S. Jobs

If you're looking for a career change to increase your pay, or you're past that stage and have given up on career enhancement and are looking to steer your child to a high paying career instead, you may want to read the list of highest paying jobs published today on the CNBC web site.

The list has some surprises that buck public perception.  For example, CEOs are ranked 3rd in job category with an average annual salary of $176,550.  There are currently 267,370 of them employed.  When I looked a little closer at the rankings on the Bureau of Labor Statistics web site which served as the source for the CNBC article, CEOs actually ranked as the 11th occupation as measured by "annual mean wage".  The following 10 occupations ranked higher - listed from highest paying down:

Anesthesiologists, Surgeons, Obstetricians and Gynecologists, Oral and Maxillofacial Surgeons (Maxillofacial means jaws and face), Orthodontists,  Internist (General), Physicians and Surgeons (all other), Family and General Practitioners.

Not surprisingly, 9 of the top 11 professions are MDs.  There may be a potential flaw in the ranking, as it's based on wages only.  CEOs, for example, are compensated quite shamelessly and handsomely through non-salary means such as stock options, grants etc.  Total compensation package may have bumped CEOs up a few notches.

If you want your child to be a lawyer, the statistics have a breakdown of which subcategory of lawyers are the highest paid - Securities and Commodity Exchanges (avg. annual pay of $174,370).  It even shows which regions pay the highest wages for lawyers on average - District of Columbia (avg. annual pay of $161,050).

|Air Traffic Controllers have a mean wage of $114,460, ranked as the 27th occupation and one notch above Pharmacists, but if you're older than 30, you will not be allowed to start a career as one.

Lucky Fools, a review of "The $100 Startup", by Chris Guillebeau


Many entrepreneurship books are filled with the hype of success stories, when in fact, there are probably 10 business failures for every success, most or none of which receive any meaningful coverage. According to the Small Business Administration, 50% of new businesses fail within the first 5 years, and over 2/3rd fail over 10 years. Economic historian John V.C. Nye wrote in a 1991 article "Lucky Fools and Cautious Businessmen," self-delusion is essential to maintaining an entrepreneurial culture. Countries become economically stagnant when rationale and reason triumph over delusion. The U.S. and Germany surpassed Victorian Britain because British businessmen stopped investing unwisely, despite access to efficient capital markets.

In "Thinking, Fast and Slow" Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman cites chance as one of the key ingredients in new venture success, whereas most entrepreneurs believe their success is largely due to their effort and ingenuity.

So it was with all of this background bias that I picked up an unpublished copy of "The $100 Startup", not expecting to see anything different than the plethora of other books on the subject. But here's what makes Mr. Guillebeau's book different: "The $100 Startup" is about starting a micro business to gain independence "that is based on something you love to do - in other words, something intrinsically related to the owner's skill or passion." If you're after the kind of money that will get you a Lamborghini Gallardo like Akon, this is not the book for you. Temper your self-indulgence and start a business that will net you $50K-$60K a year. Mr. Guillebeau's blueprint may set you on the path of a reasonable work-life balance, but some luck and delusion is still necessary to get the job done.

If you were to get hit by a bus....

The earliest example of the expression "hit by a bus" was used in Joseph Conrad's 1907 novel "The Secret Agent".  And how likely is it for anyone to be hit by a bus?  According to the Department of Transportation, "10 pedestrians and bicyclists died in 2007 as a result of being run over by a cross-country or intercity bus in the United States."  Source:  Slate, "How getting hit by a bus" became shorthand for medical catastrophe", July 28, 2009

In the most read piece in the Wall Street Journal Online on April 29th, 2012, Charles Wheelan lists 10 life lessons the rosy graduation commencement speeches never deliver.  One among them included this catastrophic cliche:

9. It's all borrowed time. You shouldn't take anything for granted, not even tomorrow. I offer you the "hit by a bus" rule. Would I regret spending my life this way if I were to get hit by a bus next week or next year?  


This question is always asked rhetorically, and with the intent to instigate a specific behavior to a specific event in the recipient of the advice.  Below, I have conjured up the most sound advice calibrated precisely to the amount of time you have before connecting with the front of a bus.  I believe this is ground breaking work, sure to introduce some discipline into an unfortunate prospect that is often talked about, but never  seriously.

The first of three series will focus on getting hit by a bus tomorrow (parts 2 and 3 will follow at some point when I have time to get to them):

And the answer to "what would you to if you were to get hit by a bus...." is almost always contrary to popular opinion.  For starters, it makes a huge difference if you were to be hit by a bus next week, or next year, or even tomorrow; 3 distinctly different predicaments, requiring different reactions.  If you have a decent amount of assets under your name, and/or you have dependents, e.g. kids, then what should follow is quite different than if you've lived a detached life of a free spirit.  Most of us fall somewhere in between.

By the way, did you know a typical city bus contains no fewer than four erections at any given time?  source:  The Onion.  This means you can take consolation in the fact that there are four others near you who have unmet needs just like you do, as you're about to get hit by a bus.

If you had the knowledge that you'd be hit by a bus tomorrow, there's no time to get your financial affairs in order.  All you have time for is to spend a little quality time with your loved ones and then base jump off of a downtown high-rise and land in front of a bus for your inevitable outcome.  If you're going out, you might as well go out big.  Call a bunch of news media and let them know about your intention in advance.  If you had a political agenda, e.g. wind farms should be banned because wildlife birds can get caught in them, you can type it up in a manifesto and release it to the public as flyers immediately prior to your leap from the rooftop.  Do not glue your statement to yourself as your mangled body on the asphalt may distort the statement.  On your flight down, yell "Allahu Akbar", just for kicks to send the ridiculous for profit news media run by the entertainment divisions of corporations into a tailspin.  They'd announce your background as an Al Qaeda operative in their rat race for "breaking news" releases, only to embarrass themselves and retract their false announcement later.

A 24 hour period is too short to grieve.  So spend your time eating your favorite food, which is what death row inmates do prior to their execution.  This practice has been perfected since the ancient Greeks, Chinese and Romans.  If it has worked for them for hundreds of years, it will surely work for you with one exception:  In the U.S., death row inmates are barred from consuming alcohol prior to their execution.  DO NOT, consume alcohol excessively, however.  If you wanna go out like that, then go for something more potent - give Rush Limbaugh a call for advice - as there are better ways to alter your mind than with alcohol.

A day to live is just long enough to satisfy your hedonic well-being.  Maybe what floats your boat is getting spanked by a midget.  Whatever the case, spare no expenses to indulge yourself in your secret fantasies you've been suppressing.  It's time to go balls to the wall.  Don't do something too stupid to get arrested and waste precious time.  For example, take a new Ferrari for a test drive, but don't crash it, and be sure to bring it back.  If you have some score to settle, let it go.  Use your remaining time to fill it with as many thrilling experiences as possible with no adverse impact to others.

Do what you need to do, and hope for the best.  You just may meet this guy's fate:

But I don't have any scissors!

Irvine Katie Wheeler Library

Saturday, 2:45 p.m.:  Elin and I paid a visit to the Irvine Katie Wheeler Library to return books, a couple of DVDs, and to pick up new books and a DVD.  As we left the building, Elin asked to play in the surrounding area that is a part of the library.  I nodded and sat down on the steps as I wasn't about to follow her in that hot weather.  10 minutes passed.  I got up and found Elin in the yard.

Me:  "Elin, let's go now.  We have to go to Costco."
Elin (defiantly):  "No.  I wanna stay."
Me:  "Okay.  How long do you wanna stay here?"
Elin:  "One hundred tousand [sic] minutes."
Me:  "That's a little longer than we have time.  Do you mind cutting that down a bit?"
Elin:  "But I don't have any scissors."

A few minutes later, as I put Elin in the car seat, I told her:
"Quickly Elin.  We're on a schedule."
Elin:  "How can we turn off the schedule?"

If you lived to be 150 years old and beyond

First, the most pressing issues pertaining to the prospect of living to 150:

• Something must be done to prevent the ears and nose from growing indefinitely.



111 year old Cuban, Ignacio Cubilla Bano

• If your physical features resemble an elephant's scrotum, then you'd experience stiffer age discrimination.  Life will be about looking like you're 90 or older for 60 years!

60% of people who took an unscientific poll administered by the Australian newspaper "The Age" responded yes to the question "Would you like to live to 150".  

Source:http://www.theage.com.au/technology/sci-tech/drugs-may-let-us-live-to-150-20111016-1lrm5.html

As advances in medicine continue, it is now a distinct possibility that humans will live a healthy life well beyond life expectancy levels today.  Dr. Aubrey de Grey, a biomedical gerontologist (gerontology is the scientific study of biological, psychological, and sociological phenomena associated with old age and aging) believes the first person to reach 150 years is among us, and soon humans will live to be 1,000 years old.  Dr. de Grey is no quack.  He has been interviewed on 60 Minutes, by the New York times and countless other reputable media.  Here is his 22 minute presentation in the 2005 TED conference.  TED is an annual conference where the world's leading thinkers and doers gather to present the highlight of their year.  Past speakers include Steve Jobs, Malcolm Gladwell, Richard Dawkins, Al Gore, Brian Greene (String Theory), and Sir Ken Robinson.

According to a January 17, 2003 post on fightaging.org titled "This Wonderful Lengthening of Lifespan", "a cure for aging will likely come about from one or more of the following technologies:

1. Genetic Manipulation
With the human genetic code now mapped, the race is on to find anti-aging genes.|

2. Stem Cells
While still a hot button issue, the potential of therapeutic cloning and regenerative medicine using stem cells is enormous. Imagine growing a new heart from your own stem cells, creating a replacement organ without the dreaded problem of immune rejection from your body.

3. Small Biomechanical Devices 
With smaller technology showing more and more promise, doctors are willing to take a look at Microelectromechanical System, MEMS and Nanotechnology for less invasive devices to monitor and repair aging cells and organs."

In 1900, life expectancy in the U.S. was 49.2 years.  In 2003, it had risen to 77.5 years, with the largest acceleration in the first half of the 20th century thanks to scientific breakthrough of the "germ theory of disease".
Source:  http://aging.senate.gov/crs/aging1.pdf.

The U.S. government has a vested interest in estimating future life expectancy in order to balance social security, Medicare etc. payments to qualified recipients with tax proceeds.  According to Steven Goss, chief actuary of the social security administration, the increasing rate of life expectancy in the future may not match the rate in the 20th century because of obesity, AIDS, SARS or antibiotic resistant microbes.  All of these conditions, however, can be cured at some point with technology, and when they are:

• If people reproduce every 30 years, everyone would be a member of 5 living generations.  The genes of later generations are so far removed from earlier generations so as to render familial ties as completely irrelevant.
• Accelerated pace of scientific advancement.  Imagine if  Einstein lived to be 150.
• Multiple career changes would be a certainty.  Multiple Sclerosis may be a thing of the past.
• If male testosterone levels are allowed to decline naturally with age, there would be fewer wars and atrocities.
• Estate tax revenue would decrease substantially for a while as people live longer and hold onto their assets.  The government would have to find alternative methods of taxation to make up for the shortfall, even though these taxes make up only 1.5% of total tax revenue (source: CBO)
• Older generations would retire later and leave the younger generations with fewer jobs.  The old may also drain resources of the young for social services such as Medicare and social security, a problem public policy will need to address.
• Older generations would be contributors to social service government revenues as well, as they would retire later.  Most of Northern Europe's problems of providing for the elderly because of stagnating population growth would be solved.
• Midlife crisis can wait a few decades.
• 'Til death do us part would have to change to, "I'll take your hand in matrimony for the next 40 to 50 years, and then we'll revisit our vows."
• Marriage pre-nuptials would become more common as giving up half your nest egg to your divorced spouse would be a BFD.
• Higher rates of suicide?  Who can put up with a few more decades of depression and misery for those who suffer serious chronic mental illnesses?  Although by then, these maladies may be cured as well.
• Price of energy and everything else skyrockets?  Longevity would most likely be exclusive, at least initially to developed countries who are the highest utilizers of earth's resources.  The consumers who consume the most will do so for a few more decades.
• If you can smoke and have healthy lungs from advance stem cell technology, then tobacco companies would be in business again.  So would fast food, Coca Cola and any other product detrimental to our health now, and waning in public demand or perception.  The lifelong value of customers would take on a whole new amount for all products and services.
• Life insurance terms would have to be rewritten.
• World population growth would accelerate for 70-80 years before reverting to population growth levels today.  Many of the centenarians who would have otherwise died before reaching 100 years would continue living.

Barbara Walters asked "Freakonomics" author, Stephen Dubner, if it will ever be cool to be old, to which he replied: "I'll say that there will come a time when being old is cooler than being young, because what being old will represent is power, it will represent money. It will represent having survived. It will represent wisdom. You know it's a prediction I'd like to make."

As long as technology can bring sexy back to the old and previously decrepit, living to be 150 and beyond would be a fantastic prospect.  For 600 million years, death has been taking the fun out of life.  The time for change is long overdue.

Hunger Games is a buncha hype - 3.25 stars out of 5

Rottentomatoes' audience has rated post-apocalyptic action movie Hunger Games at an exceptionally high 4.7 stars out of 5 as of tonight, the Sunday following the week of its release.  Even a Sunday morning showing at the theater near me was packed enough that I had to wait for the 2nd showing.

This movie has grossed $155 million in North America in its opening weekend, the highest for a non-sequel flick, and $214 million worldwide according to Reuters.

And most of this, in my opinion is thanks to the hype that has surrounded the book.  I found this movie to be just enough interesting to watch on DVD.  The first 10 minutes almost had me leaving from the constant camera shaking and rapid-fire switches from one camera to another a la eMpTV shows.  I had to close my eyes intermittently to give my brain a rest from the dizzying shots.  And the sets and costumes were way overdone.

Don't read further if you haven't watch the movie but plan to, unless you don't mind the spoilers below.

I haven't read the book, nor do I plan to.  From the sneak previews, I'd thought the contestants in the death match were trained for years prior to facing off, when in fact most were just a bunch of average Joes and Janes picked and thrown into a jungle a few days after their names were picked in a random drawing.  This pros vs. average Joes didn't make much sense, especially with 12 year olds who seemed grossly out of place in this competition.  There was much that didn't make sense about the story line, such as:

• Just what was the role of the sponsors?  What did it take for a sponsor to send help to their contestant (Tribute) of choice? It seemed as if every time Katniss Everdeen got help was because Haymitch Abernathy (Woody Harrelson's character) begged the sponsors on her behalf.
• Why would Cato (main bad guy) take "loverboy" Peeta Mellark as a member of his subgroup assembled to hunt down Katniss?  It should have been obvious Peeta was on Katniss' side, and could have easily killed some members of this group while everyone was sleeping.
• The show's organizers were manipulating the results excessively.  This certainly deflated from the "survival of the fittest" aspect of the Hunger Games, and was a turnoff, especially from the constant changing of the rules; first there was to be one winner, then two, back to one, and finally two.
• 3/4th into the movie, and the producers made an announcement to the Tributes as their one and only announcement.  Then, a few minutes later they made a second announcement.  Who's in control here?
• The Tributes were told prior the Hunger Games that many of them would die of starvation, dehydration, infection etc., rather than being killed.  I can't recall if anyone who died suffered any of these fates.  Most of them were killed by arrows, spears and sword action. One was slammed against a wall, and another's neck was snapped with bare hands.

I would put this movie in the same genre as Twilight.  Mildly amusing and probably suited for a teenage audience.

I was branded a Mochilato thief, and less than a person

On the way home from Laguna Beach, we stopped by Cafe Mochilato in Irvine to pick up 7 mochilatos; 3 for me, 3 for Helena and 1 strawberry for Elin, her favorite.  Mochilato is a delicious gelato inside of mochi, a Japanese soft dough-like substance.  Cafe Mochilato describes it as "provides a fusion of both dynamic flavors of Asian (Mochi) and European (Gelato) delicacy just for your satisfying taste".  Mochi ice creams are sold at Trader Joe's, but the ones at Cafe Mochilato come with gelato inside.

On the way home and after, Elin was acting defiantly, and she continued in that state after I deprived her of eating her strawberry mochilato.  So I decided the next level of punishment, since nothing was sinking in, was to eat her strawberry mochilato in front of her, which I did.  She immediately went into a frenzied state, and hurled a bunch of insults at me in Swedish, which I was later told was the following:

• I'm gonna put pappa in a long loooong time out.
• Mamma, you can't just take someone else's strawberry mochilato and eat it.  Then you're just a thief and not a real person.

Later, after she calmed down and ate her mac and cheese, and a substitute vanilla Mochilato, she made the following comments:

• I wanna watch Mochilato on T.V.
• Mochilato is gonna go on a time out in my stomach.  And you can't play around in there until your time out is over.

So I ate Elin's strawberry mochilato, was branded a thief and less than a person, and strawberry is not even one of my favorite flavors.  This goes to show there are no clear winners in a war.  All sides lose something, some more than others.  My loss was a vanilla mochilato.... I failed to resolve the issue diplomatically.

2-20-2011 update (Monday):  Helena told Elin she would get her something special today because of her good behavior.  She asked, "is it a strawberry mochilato?"  So off they went in the afternoon to Cafe Mochilato, and on the way there, Elin told Helena, "I think we need to eat it right away so pappa doesn't eat it."

Elin and Johanna each got one strawberry mochilato, but Johanna didn't like hers, so Elin ate both.  After what transpired today, it appears Elin may have lost the battle yesterday, but she won the war today.

Elin w/ a vanilla mochilato in her stomach

I'm not retarded! How the mind of a male interprets the grocery list

If your wife were to include "Dijon Mustard" on your grocery list, and that's EXACTLY what you came home with, should you be faulted for not having picked up a "Grey Poupon Dijon Mustard"?  Well I was, because we had a Grey Poupon Dijon mustard in the fridge, and I'm supposed to maintain a mental inventory of all items in the fridge and pantry.  I mention pantry because I almost failed to pick up the correct potatoes, which is a pantry item, but more on that later.

How about if she wrote "2-3 leaks"?  How would you interpret that?  Maybe she meant if the leaks are thin or small, pick up 3, otherwise 2 will do.  Okay, but what size constitutes "thin or small"?  The male mind will respond with, "just pick up 3 and err on the overstocking/wasteful side than have to deal with getting sent back to the store to finish the job and having your mental prowess called into question.

What led to this blog entry was when my wife said the following to me one day after a subpar performance of picking up the items she'd listed for me at Albertsons:  "Brian, I wonder how you handle things at work when you have so many issues with a simple grocery list.  I'm not gonna write a paragraph on every item.  You should figure it out."  So this is my attempt at making myself feel better about my ineptitude in following directions and filling in the blanks.  Whether or not my points are valid is irrelevant.  I'm guilty and will remain as such.

Let's examine how a typical male mind handles a shopping list written by a female.  As always, if the number of items exceeds a threshold of say 4-5, then I'll have a pre-shopping meeting with my wife to decode some parts:

• 2-3 leaks:  Should I pick up 2 leaks and break a 3rd one in half (2 + 3 = 5, 5 / 2 = 2.5)?
• 1 bag of potatoes (Russet):  Russ what?!  Is that a potato brand, or a kind of potato?  No worries, I'll just search for the word.  During my decode meeting with Helena, she instructed me to avoid a 10 lb. bag of potatoes.  More like 5 lb. would do.  At Albertsons, I found nothing but a buncha 10 lb. bags.  Luckily, a produce employee was stocking items next to me, so I asked him if he could show me a 5 lb. bag of Russet potatoes.  He pointed to the far end of the potato/onion cart.  I searched another couple of minutes and managed to find the word "Russet" on a tag where the bag is sealed (not written on the bag itself).
• 1 bake it yourself baguette:  The last time I asked for this, I was given a frozen baguette, and wifey said this was not a bake it yourself.  This time around, when I asked for this item, the employee took me to where the baguettes are and gave me one called "Take and Bake".  It turned out this is "a different one, but still okay".  Still not sure what the correct "bake it yourself baguette" is, but who cares, if two Albertsons employees can't figure it out, then surely I'm exempt.
• Carne asada for 5:  This time, I decided not to blurt out "carne asada for 5" to the butcher.  Carne asada for 5 fat cows is different than for 4 adults, 2 of whom are lean Swedes, and a couple of kids.  So I asked for 5 average size appetite adults.  I may have bought more than we need, but oh well.
• 1 flour for baking:  I cleared the flour size in the decode meeting (large), but I didn't realize there is "bleached" and "unbleached" version.  I picked up "unbleached" 'cause I figured anything that is bleached can't be good for you.  I got a pass on this one as Helena doesn't know which she prefers either.
• 2 whipping creams (not visible in the picture above):  There is "heavy whipping cream" and "whipping cream".  I can't explain why, but I picked up the heavy one (more manly?).  I passed this test as well, as Helena doesn't know the difference, and either is fine.
• Land & Lakes spread with Olive or Canola oil:  This is an evolved version of the description.  "With Olive" is the preferred item, but during my previous trip no alternative was listed.  I couldn't find one with olive oil, so I had to make the dreaded phone call to inquire whether "with Canola oil" would suffice.  It did.

26 items in total, I was at the self service checkout counter.  What a mistake that turned out to be.  With items such as Cilantro, 2-3 leaks, white and yellow onions - these are items with no bar code - it would've been much quicker to have a cashier ring them out.  Halfway through scanning these items, I read the following alert on the screen:  "An unexpected item found in bagging area".  When I removed what I thought may have caused the alert, I got this alert:  "Item has been removed from bagging area.  Please return item to bagging area".  It took a couple of minutes to get the self service attendant to remove the alert so I could proceed.  I had too many items on the bagging area, and I had to put them in my shopping cart.  So the attendant showed me the proper way to do this:  Remove a bag, wait for a few seconds to get prompted for permission on the screen, then put the item in the cart.  If you do anything in between, you'll need an attendant's assistance.  An attendant call is about half as bad as calling your wife; a shameful admission of inadequacy, but not one you'd have to live with 'til death do us part.

So my performance today was top notch.  26 items and no phone calls to the wife for clarification, and no complaints about any items.  To get a perfect score, however, I would have to do all of this without the decode pre-shopping meeting.  I'm getting there.... but at least I'm not retarded.

Why French Parents Are Superior - WSJ Article

According to the Wall Street Journal article below by Pamela Druckerman (she has written a book on this), "While Americans fret over modern parenthood, the French are raising happy, well behaved children without all the anxiety."

Here are some highlights from this article.  The article is lengthy and goes beyond the excerpts below (entire Feb. 4th, 2012 article can be read here:  http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204740904577196931457473816.html?mod=WSJ_hp_mostpop_read):

• Middle-class French parents are zealous about talking to their kids, showing them nature and reading them lots of books. They take them to tennis lessons, painting classes and interactive science museums.  Yet the French have managed to be involved with their families without becoming obsessive. They assume that even good parents aren't at the constant service of their children, and that there is no need to feel guilty about this. "For me, the evenings are for the parents," one Parisian mother told me. "My daughter can be with us if she wants, but it's adult time." French parents want their kids to be stimulated, but not all the time. While some American toddlers are getting Mandarin tutors and preliteracy training, French kids are—by design—toddling around by themselves.

• One of the keys to this education is the simple act of learning how to wait. It is why the French babies I meet mostly sleep through the night from two or three months old. Their parents don't pick them up the second they start crying, allowing the babies to learn how to fall back asleep. It is also why French toddlers will sit happily at a restaurant. Rather than snacking all day like American children, they mostly have to wait until mealtime to eat. (French kids consistently have three meals a day and one snack around 4 p.m.)

• Delphine said that she never set out specifically to teach her kids patience. But her family's daily rituals are an ongoing apprenticeship in how to delay gratification. Delphine said that she sometimes bought Pauline candy. (Bonbons are on display in most bakeries.) But Pauline wasn't allowed to eat the candy until that day's snack, even if it meant waiting many hours.

• It's a skill that French mothers explicitly try to cultivate in their kids more than American mothers do. In a 2004 study on the parenting beliefs of college-educated mothers in the U.S. and France, the American moms said that encouraging one's child to play alone was of average importance. But the French moms said it was very important.

• Could it be that teaching children how to delay gratification—as middle-class French parents do—actually makes them calmer and more resilient? Might this partly explain why middle-class American kids, who are in general more used to getting what they want right away, so often fall apart under stress?

Abandoned all day - Hide & Seek w/ a 3.5 year old

It was around 3:15 p.m. this Sunday that Elin and I began playing hide and seek.  After a few times back and forth, I devised a surefire strategy to hide from Elin for an eternity; a simple strategy that can be employed by anyone successfully.  It involves moving from your original hiding position to the seeker's starting position while he/she is searching for you.

After 20 seconds or so of searching, Elin went back to her starting location where Johanna was bathing and her mom was watching her.  She then began taking her clothes off and asked to take a bubble bath.  Her mom asked her if she should find me first, to which she replied, "Pappa can hide all day until I'm done".

Elin in the shower after abandoning her dad in the middle of a hide and seek  game

Punishment beyond timeout??

Setting:  Lunch time with Elin and I seated at the dining room table on Martin Luther King’s day.  Elin’s bib was hanging on her chair while she was eating a sandwich her mom had made (see picture below).

Elin:  I’m gonna thwow (throw) this bib out of the house.  Sandwich can stay, but if it’s bad, I’m gonna thwow it out too.

A few seconds later…

Elin:  I’m gonna thwow that Bagel out of the house (referring to the bagel sandwich I was eating).

Brian:  No.  That bagel is going in my stomach now.

Elin:  Okay, bagel is going on a verrrry loooong time out in your stomach.

Kids say the darnedest things - Part 2

On the way to the library to pick up a book for me and a few for Elin:

Elin:  Can you go a lew (little) bit fast?

Brian:  That’s not a good idea.  If we go fast, we can hit other cars, or we may hit people….

Elin:  And they turn into a pancake…. And I’m gonna eat the pancake.

After we got home from the library:

Elin:  Brian, can you play with me?

Brian:  No honey.  I’m watching Football (playoffs 49ers vs. Saints 3^rd quarter 20-14 SF winning)

Elin:  After I pee, I want you to weed (read) the books from the libwawy (library)

Later that night, after I bought dinner for us from a Vietnamese restaurant (shaken beef w/ crispy Jasmine rice), Helena asked me to share my food with Elin.  I said I don’t think so as a joke.

Elin:  Brian, I’m gonna eat you…

Brian:  Why?

Elin:  You have to shew (share).

This morning, during breakfast at Champagne Bakery, Elin and Johanna began dancing to the song “Shake your booty”.

Brian:  Elin, can you move like Jagger?

Elin:  Shake your booty Jagger (see video below)

Definition of a tourist

tour·ist
noun
A person who dresses from head to toe with the same clothing line purchased and worn in a foreign country

Coincidentally, I had a Hollister sweater in the car that I refused to wear next to these two, despite the cold weather.

From right to left, Emil, Andy (my brother in law), Kinga (his wife)- all from Sweden.

Kids say the darndest things - Part 1

Elin:  I wanna put this pizza in a time out.

Brian:  Why?  What did this pizza slice do?

Elin:  He hit me here (pointing to the top of her head)

Brian:  I don’t think so, this pizza slice can’t move on its own

Elin:  Let’s put that in a time out (pointing to one of my pizza slices)

Brian:  Thinking silently:  No way.  I’m hungry and not about to put any of my pizza slices in a time out.

A day later, we were having McDonald’s for dinner (I know… pizza one night, McDonald’s the next, but the pizza wasn’t for her.  She robbed me of one of my slices after having eaten her dinner earlier).  Elin inadvertently knocked over my Big Mac box and spilled the contents on the rug.

Brian:  Be careful Elin!  Now you have to clean it.

Elin:  (smiling) Now it’s my turn to relax.

Brian:  Why?  What have you been doing up to now, besides making a big mess?

Today, on January 7^th at 3:40 p.m., I was lying down with a stomach ache watching the ESPN documentary “Fab Five” when Elin showed up next to me and the following exchange took place:

Elin:  Brian, wash my hands so we can play a game.

Brian:  Okay, but how about we go to the playground instead (trying to avoid playing a kids game at home)

Elin:  Okay.  Let’s play a game and THEN go to the playground.

Brian:  Oh, so you wanna have your cake and eat it too?

Elin:  Yeah, I wanna eat a cake after we come home from the playground.

Brian thinking:  I better shut my trap before this situation gets any worse than it is.

The picture below is right after this exchange.