Psychogenic shock in Sweden

I used to think I could entertain living in Sweden some day, until I went into psychogenic shock as I was filling up my in-laws’ gas tank for the first time a couple of weeks ago during a visit there.  As the liters and price of gas ticked up, I felt my blood pressure rising.  It takes 1,000 Swedish kronor (SEK) or $155 to fill up a tank of an average size car with petrol as they call it in Europe.  That’s more than twice the price of gasoline in the U.S.  It’s not as if I wasn’t aware of this difference in price between Swedish and American gasoline, but experiencing it firsthand was truly an eye opener.  Swedish level of gas prices in the U.S. would trigger a revolution not seen since the latter part of 1700s.  As I hopped back into the car, suddenly, U.S. foreign policy in the oil rich Middle East region was put in perspective:   The gulf wars, billions of dollars of aid annually to Israel, Egypt, Pakistan etc., except the invasion of Iraq which left us worse off and and the subsequent $700 million U.S. embassy there.

My second, but less shocking experience that dissuaded me from taking residence in Sweden was this Helly Hanson rain jacked I bought for the equivalent of U.S. $140!  HH is a Norwegian brand, and the Hell in Helly stands for the final destination of whoever priced this jacket.  On the label it states, "Designed in Norway. Made in China"  Everyone in Sweden walks around in nice jackets, so I got suckered into buying one as well.  This may be my last purchase of clothing there.  To be fair to Hellish Hanson, roughly 25% of the cost is the Swedish sales tax.  But even without the tax, the $112 price tag for such a thin fabric is highway robbery.

The third reason why it's excruciatingly difficult for an American to live in Sweden is securing a place to live.  Apartments are scarce enough that to live in one requires years of getting stuck on a waiting list.  And the more desirable places require longer waits.  If you're looking to buy a condo, there are confusing arrangements here that amount to never owning the place.  You will only partially own the condo; somewhere between renting and buying.  And buying a house is not exactly buying either.  You take out a loan and pay interest for eternity, which means you never truly own the house.  You have the right to sell it when you want, and pocket the capital gains, but that's about as close as you'll get to owning the property.

The fourth and final reason for not living in Sweden is the aggressive nature of their police force:

These 4 reasons are only half serious, and not compelling enough to avoid living there.  There are many great things about this beautiful country:  Noblesse chocolate, the mellow people (including cops), down towns, old buildings, public transportation (high gasoline prices ain't that bad), relatively low crime rates as compared to the U.S., income equality, harbors 3 of the top 15 most inventive cities in the world (Malmo, Stockholm and Goteborg).  The Mjokglass (soft ice cream), however, leaves a lot to be desired.

My nth trip to Sweden - Some things never change

Everything below happened just as I've written it.  Warning:  Some parts are graphic.  Viewer discretion is advised.

It seems as if when live humans are transported a few time zones away, we become susceptible to various crappolas, some of which really take the fun out of life.  My July, 2013 trip was no exception.  Starting with the overweight and diabetic dude next to me on my long flight from LAX to Frankfurt, my uncomfortable coach seat became my deathbed as my Palestinian travel buddy leaned into my side the entire flight.  He was a nice guy, but he had a tendency to lean to his right and take my left armrest.  Add to that my nausea, which was a result of applying my transderm scop patch late, plus excessive turbulance, and I threw up 5 times during this arduous flight.  I was well prepared for my 10 hour journey with a book, 2 movies, my laptop and generic Ambien, all of which proved useless.

The flight internet access didn't work, and the Lufthansa crew couldn't fix it.  So working and surfing the internet was out.  As my nausea set in early, my movies and book were out of the question too.  So I took my sleeping pill, hoping to sleep for at least half of the flight.  Shortly after, I went to the toilet and threw up.  My guess is I lost some or all of my Ambien, so now sleep was out too.  I came back to my seat like a zombie and sat down leaning to my right with nothing to do but stare at the seat in front of me for hours.  Wow!  I wouldn't put my worst enemies through this.

At the conclusion of my flight, I had thrown up enough times that I had no contents left in my stomach.  I was still nauseated, couldn't and hadn't eaten anything.  Without a doubt, this was THE worst trip I'd ever taken.  I can't even remember the last time I threw up, let alone 5 times in one day.  And this anti-nausea patch that I used has a dry mouth side effect.  I stuck it on my neck late, didn't take it off hoping at some point it would kick in, and all I got was the lousy side effect.

At some point, I asked the German flight attendants if I could sleep on the floor in their section.  After some consertnation, they agreed to allowing me 5 minutes in the kitchen.  5 minutes for someone who has motion sickness?  What ill would 5 minutes cure?

And last and least important, I brought with me what I thought was my funcional noise cancelling Audio-Technica earphones for some peace and quiet, but it turned out it was the non-functional one.  I have an identical new pair at home, and I thought that was the one I packed.  This is the price I pay for hoarding.

There were other mishaps during this trip that I'll explain below, but none came close to my experience during the first leg of my trip, not even my twisted ankle as soon as we arrived at our day trip destination one day.

So my wife, kids and wife's dad picked me up at the Copenhagen airport for a 45 minute drive back home.  The front passenger seat had about as much space as a coach seat on the Boeng 747 I puked my brains out.  This is because behind it, my 3 year old was in a massive car seat facing backwards, and to make space, the passenger seat had to be adjusted forward.  I kept quiet nearly the entire car ride home, and never spoke unless spoken too.  This was a first for me.

For the next few days, I suffered from severe diarrhea.  I'm not sure if I'd caught a bacteria, or this was my stomach's way of saying "fuck you for putting me through this."

A couple of days later, we took a trip to the Ystad zoo (Djurpark).  Everytime I've visited this zoo, I've suffered a mishap, and early too.  This time was no exception.  I'd barely finished my meatball sandwiches when my older daughter asked me to follow her in the kids play area, at the conclusion of which she slid through a tube slide.  I followed her and picked up a lot of speed as I was sliding down horizontally.  When I exited, my left ankle twirled under me and I sprained it.  I've never been injured at a kids park, and I've been to many.  I was sidelined pretty much for most of this day trip next to a lovely lemor habitat.  Diarrhea and ankle sprain are the perfect combo, virtually guaranteeing you'll crap your pants as you slowly make your way to the toilet.

A couple of days later, we visited a fair in Landskrona, a city 20 minutes south of Lund with lots of low class folks.  This fair was no different than the fairs in the U.S. with at least half of the patrons married to their first cousins.  I saw a part of Sweden I didn't know existed.  I stopped to buy an ice cream from a stand.  The guy who filled the order was also the cashier, and he used the same filthy hands for both tasks.

That about does it.  Despite all the negatives, I have enjoyed the stay here.  The dinners with the in-laws are first class, as always, so a big thank you to them.  And in between the undesirable occurances, I have enjoyed every minute.  I'm even glad I went to the fair.  And another big thank you to whoever commercialized Melatonin.  I've been saved from countless sleepless nights.