Everything below happened just as I've written it. Warning: Some parts are graphic. Viewer discretion is advised.
It seems as if when live humans are transported a few time zones away, we become susceptible to various crappolas, some of which really take the fun out of life. My July, 2013 trip was no exception. Starting with the overweight and diabetic dude next to me on my long flight from LAX to Frankfurt, my uncomfortable coach seat became my deathbed as my Palestinian travel buddy leaned into my side the entire flight. He was a nice guy, but he had a tendency to lean to his right and take my left armrest. Add to that my nausea, which was a result of applying my transderm scop patch late, plus excessive turbulance, and I threw up 5 times during this arduous flight. I was well prepared for my 10 hour journey with a book, 2 movies, my laptop and generic Ambien, all of which proved useless.
The flight internet access didn't work, and the Lufthansa crew couldn't fix it. So working and surfing the internet was out. As my nausea set in early, my movies and book were out of the question too. So I took my sleeping pill, hoping to sleep for at least half of the flight. Shortly after, I went to the toilet and threw up. My guess is I lost some or all of my Ambien, so now sleep was out too. I came back to my seat like a zombie and sat down leaning to my right with nothing to do but stare at the seat in front of me for hours. Wow! I wouldn't put my worst enemies through this.
At the conclusion of my flight, I had thrown up enough times that I had no contents left in my stomach. I was still nauseated, couldn't and hadn't eaten anything. Without a doubt, this was THE worst trip I'd ever taken. I can't even remember the last time I threw up, let alone 5 times in one day. And this anti-nausea patch that I used has a dry mouth side effect. I stuck it on my neck late, didn't take it off hoping at some point it would kick in, and all I got was the lousy side effect.
At some point, I asked the German flight attendants if I could sleep on the floor in their section. After some consertnation, they agreed to allowing me 5 minutes in the kitchen. 5 minutes for someone who has motion sickness? What ill would 5 minutes cure?
And last and least important, I brought with me what I thought was my funcional noise cancelling Audio-Technica earphones for some peace and quiet, but it turned out it was the non-functional one. I have an identical new pair at home, and I thought that was the one I packed. This is the price I pay for hoarding.
There were other mishaps during this trip that I'll explain below, but none came close to my experience during the first leg of my trip, not even my twisted ankle as soon as we arrived at our day trip destination one day.
So my wife, kids and wife's dad picked me up at the Copenhagen airport for a 45 minute drive back home. The front passenger seat had about as much space as a coach seat on the Boeng 747 I puked my brains out. This is because behind it, my 3 year old was in a massive car seat facing backwards, and to make space, the passenger seat had to be adjusted forward. I kept quiet nearly the entire car ride home, and never spoke unless spoken too. This was a first for me.
For the next few days, I suffered from severe diarrhea. I'm not sure if I'd caught a bacteria, or this was my stomach's way of saying "fuck you for putting me through this."
A couple of days later, we took a trip to the Ystad zoo (Djurpark). Everytime I've visited this zoo, I've suffered a mishap, and early too. This time was no exception. I'd barely finished my meatball sandwiches when my older daughter asked me to follow her in the kids play area, at the conclusion of which she slid through a tube slide. I followed her and picked up a lot of speed as I was sliding down horizontally. When I exited, my left ankle twirled under me and I sprained it. I've never been injured at a kids park, and I've been to many. I was sidelined pretty much for most of this day trip next to a lovely lemor habitat. Diarrhea and ankle sprain are the perfect combo, virtually guaranteeing you'll crap your pants as you slowly make your way to the toilet.
A couple of days later, we visited a fair in Landskrona, a city 20 minutes south of Lund with lots of low class folks. This fair was no different than the fairs in the U.S. with at least half of the patrons married to their first cousins. I saw a part of Sweden I didn't know existed. I stopped to buy an ice cream from a stand. The guy who filled the order was also the cashier, and he used the same filthy hands for both tasks.
That about does it. Despite all the negatives, I have enjoyed the stay here. The dinners with the in-laws are first class, as always, so a big thank you to them. And in between the undesirable occurances, I have enjoyed every minute. I'm even glad I went to the fair. And another big thank you to whoever commercialized Melatonin. I've been saved from countless sleepless nights.
On my way to the gym this morning, I noticed trash scattered all over our street; an assortment of food items from Del Taco. On the way back, I decided to clean up the trash rather than leave it there for days for, I don't even know who, to clean it up.
