If you were to get hit by a bus....

The earliest example of the expression "hit by a bus" was used in Joseph Conrad's 1907 novel "The Secret Agent".  And how likely is it for anyone to be hit by a bus?  According to the Department of Transportation, "10 pedestrians and bicyclists died in 2007 as a result of being run over by a cross-country or intercity bus in the United States."  Source:  Slate, "How getting hit by a bus" became shorthand for medical catastrophe", July 28, 2009

In the most read piece in the Wall Street Journal Online on April 29th, 2012, Charles Wheelan lists 10 life lessons the rosy graduation commencement speeches never deliver.  One among them included this catastrophic cliche:

9. It's all borrowed time. You shouldn't take anything for granted, not even tomorrow. I offer you the "hit by a bus" rule. Would I regret spending my life this way if I were to get hit by a bus next week or next year?  


This question is always asked rhetorically, and with the intent to instigate a specific behavior to a specific event in the recipient of the advice.  Below, I have conjured up the most sound advice calibrated precisely to the amount of time you have before connecting with the front of a bus.  I believe this is ground breaking work, sure to introduce some discipline into an unfortunate prospect that is often talked about, but never  seriously.

The first of three series will focus on getting hit by a bus tomorrow (parts 2 and 3 will follow at some point when I have time to get to them):

And the answer to "what would you to if you were to get hit by a bus...." is almost always contrary to popular opinion.  For starters, it makes a huge difference if you were to be hit by a bus next week, or next year, or even tomorrow; 3 distinctly different predicaments, requiring different reactions.  If you have a decent amount of assets under your name, and/or you have dependents, e.g. kids, then what should follow is quite different than if you've lived a detached life of a free spirit.  Most of us fall somewhere in between.

By the way, did you know a typical city bus contains no fewer than four erections at any given time?  source:  The Onion.  This means you can take consolation in the fact that there are four others near you who have unmet needs just like you do, as you're about to get hit by a bus.

If you had the knowledge that you'd be hit by a bus tomorrow, there's no time to get your financial affairs in order.  All you have time for is to spend a little quality time with your loved ones and then base jump off of a downtown high-rise and land in front of a bus for your inevitable outcome.  If you're going out, you might as well go out big.  Call a bunch of news media and let them know about your intention in advance.  If you had a political agenda, e.g. wind farms should be banned because wildlife birds can get caught in them, you can type it up in a manifesto and release it to the public as flyers immediately prior to your leap from the rooftop.  Do not glue your statement to yourself as your mangled body on the asphalt may distort the statement.  On your flight down, yell "Allahu Akbar", just for kicks to send the ridiculous for profit news media run by the entertainment divisions of corporations into a tailspin.  They'd announce your background as an Al Qaeda operative in their rat race for "breaking news" releases, only to embarrass themselves and retract their false announcement later.

A 24 hour period is too short to grieve.  So spend your time eating your favorite food, which is what death row inmates do prior to their execution.  This practice has been perfected since the ancient Greeks, Chinese and Romans.  If it has worked for them for hundreds of years, it will surely work for you with one exception:  In the U.S., death row inmates are barred from consuming alcohol prior to their execution.  DO NOT, consume alcohol excessively, however.  If you wanna go out like that, then go for something more potent - give Rush Limbaugh a call for advice - as there are better ways to alter your mind than with alcohol.

A day to live is just long enough to satisfy your hedonic well-being.  Maybe what floats your boat is getting spanked by a midget.  Whatever the case, spare no expenses to indulge yourself in your secret fantasies you've been suppressing.  It's time to go balls to the wall.  Don't do something too stupid to get arrested and waste precious time.  For example, take a new Ferrari for a test drive, but don't crash it, and be sure to bring it back.  If you have some score to settle, let it go.  Use your remaining time to fill it with as many thrilling experiences as possible with no adverse impact to others.

Do what you need to do, and hope for the best.  You just may meet this guy's fate:

But I don't have any scissors!

Irvine Katie Wheeler Library

Saturday, 2:45 p.m.:  Elin and I paid a visit to the Irvine Katie Wheeler Library to return books, a couple of DVDs, and to pick up new books and a DVD.  As we left the building, Elin asked to play in the surrounding area that is a part of the library.  I nodded and sat down on the steps as I wasn't about to follow her in that hot weather.  10 minutes passed.  I got up and found Elin in the yard.

Me:  "Elin, let's go now.  We have to go to Costco."
Elin (defiantly):  "No.  I wanna stay."
Me:  "Okay.  How long do you wanna stay here?"
Elin:  "One hundred tousand [sic] minutes."
Me:  "That's a little longer than we have time.  Do you mind cutting that down a bit?"
Elin:  "But I don't have any scissors."

A few minutes later, as I put Elin in the car seat, I told her:
"Quickly Elin.  We're on a schedule."
Elin:  "How can we turn off the schedule?"

If you lived to be 150 years old and beyond

First, the most pressing issues pertaining to the prospect of living to 150:

• Something must be done to prevent the ears and nose from growing indefinitely.



111 year old Cuban, Ignacio Cubilla Bano

• If your physical features resemble an elephant's scrotum, then you'd experience stiffer age discrimination.  Life will be about looking like you're 90 or older for 60 years!

60% of people who took an unscientific poll administered by the Australian newspaper "The Age" responded yes to the question "Would you like to live to 150".  

Source:http://www.theage.com.au/technology/sci-tech/drugs-may-let-us-live-to-150-20111016-1lrm5.html

As advances in medicine continue, it is now a distinct possibility that humans will live a healthy life well beyond life expectancy levels today.  Dr. Aubrey de Grey, a biomedical gerontologist (gerontology is the scientific study of biological, psychological, and sociological phenomena associated with old age and aging) believes the first person to reach 150 years is among us, and soon humans will live to be 1,000 years old.  Dr. de Grey is no quack.  He has been interviewed on 60 Minutes, by the New York times and countless other reputable media.  Here is his 22 minute presentation in the 2005 TED conference.  TED is an annual conference where the world's leading thinkers and doers gather to present the highlight of their year.  Past speakers include Steve Jobs, Malcolm Gladwell, Richard Dawkins, Al Gore, Brian Greene (String Theory), and Sir Ken Robinson.

According to a January 17, 2003 post on fightaging.org titled "This Wonderful Lengthening of Lifespan", "a cure for aging will likely come about from one or more of the following technologies:

1. Genetic Manipulation
With the human genetic code now mapped, the race is on to find anti-aging genes.|

2. Stem Cells
While still a hot button issue, the potential of therapeutic cloning and regenerative medicine using stem cells is enormous. Imagine growing a new heart from your own stem cells, creating a replacement organ without the dreaded problem of immune rejection from your body.

3. Small Biomechanical Devices 
With smaller technology showing more and more promise, doctors are willing to take a look at Microelectromechanical System, MEMS and Nanotechnology for less invasive devices to monitor and repair aging cells and organs."

In 1900, life expectancy in the U.S. was 49.2 years.  In 2003, it had risen to 77.5 years, with the largest acceleration in the first half of the 20th century thanks to scientific breakthrough of the "germ theory of disease".
Source:  http://aging.senate.gov/crs/aging1.pdf.

The U.S. government has a vested interest in estimating future life expectancy in order to balance social security, Medicare etc. payments to qualified recipients with tax proceeds.  According to Steven Goss, chief actuary of the social security administration, the increasing rate of life expectancy in the future may not match the rate in the 20th century because of obesity, AIDS, SARS or antibiotic resistant microbes.  All of these conditions, however, can be cured at some point with technology, and when they are:

• If people reproduce every 30 years, everyone would be a member of 5 living generations.  The genes of later generations are so far removed from earlier generations so as to render familial ties as completely irrelevant.
• Accelerated pace of scientific advancement.  Imagine if  Einstein lived to be 150.
• Multiple career changes would be a certainty.  Multiple Sclerosis may be a thing of the past.
• If male testosterone levels are allowed to decline naturally with age, there would be fewer wars and atrocities.
• Estate tax revenue would decrease substantially for a while as people live longer and hold onto their assets.  The government would have to find alternative methods of taxation to make up for the shortfall, even though these taxes make up only 1.5% of total tax revenue (source: CBO)
• Older generations would retire later and leave the younger generations with fewer jobs.  The old may also drain resources of the young for social services such as Medicare and social security, a problem public policy will need to address.
• Older generations would be contributors to social service government revenues as well, as they would retire later.  Most of Northern Europe's problems of providing for the elderly because of stagnating population growth would be solved.
• Midlife crisis can wait a few decades.
• 'Til death do us part would have to change to, "I'll take your hand in matrimony for the next 40 to 50 years, and then we'll revisit our vows."
• Marriage pre-nuptials would become more common as giving up half your nest egg to your divorced spouse would be a BFD.
• Higher rates of suicide?  Who can put up with a few more decades of depression and misery for those who suffer serious chronic mental illnesses?  Although by then, these maladies may be cured as well.
• Price of energy and everything else skyrockets?  Longevity would most likely be exclusive, at least initially to developed countries who are the highest utilizers of earth's resources.  The consumers who consume the most will do so for a few more decades.
• If you can smoke and have healthy lungs from advance stem cell technology, then tobacco companies would be in business again.  So would fast food, Coca Cola and any other product detrimental to our health now, and waning in public demand or perception.  The lifelong value of customers would take on a whole new amount for all products and services.
• Life insurance terms would have to be rewritten.
• World population growth would accelerate for 70-80 years before reverting to population growth levels today.  Many of the centenarians who would have otherwise died before reaching 100 years would continue living.

Barbara Walters asked "Freakonomics" author, Stephen Dubner, if it will ever be cool to be old, to which he replied: "I'll say that there will come a time when being old is cooler than being young, because what being old will represent is power, it will represent money. It will represent having survived. It will represent wisdom. You know it's a prediction I'd like to make."

As long as technology can bring sexy back to the old and previously decrepit, living to be 150 and beyond would be a fantastic prospect.  For 600 million years, death has been taking the fun out of life.  The time for change is long overdue.