The earliest example of the expression "hit by a bus" was used in Joseph Conrad's 1907 novel "The Secret Agent". And how likely is it for anyone to be hit by a bus? According to the Department of Transportation, "10 pedestrians and bicyclists died in 2007 as a result of being run over by a cross-country or intercity bus in the United States." Source: Slate, "How getting hit by a bus" became shorthand for medical catastrophe", July 28, 2009
9. It's all borrowed time. You shouldn't take anything for granted, not even tomorrow. I offer you the "hit by a bus" rule. Would I regret spending my life this way if I were to get hit by a bus next week or next year?
This question is always asked rhetorically, and with the intent to instigate a specific behavior to a specific event in the recipient of the advice. Below, I have conjured up the most sound advice calibrated precisely to the amount of time you have before connecting with the front of a bus. I believe this is ground breaking work, sure to introduce some discipline into an unfortunate prospect that is often talked about, but never seriously.
The first of three series will focus on getting hit by a bus tomorrow (parts 2 and 3 will follow at some point when I have time to get to them):
And the answer to "what would you to if you were to get hit by a bus...." is almost always contrary to popular opinion. For starters, it makes a huge difference if you were to be hit by a bus next week, or next year, or even tomorrow; 3 distinctly different predicaments, requiring different reactions. If you have a decent amount of assets under your name, and/or you have dependents, e.g. kids, then what should follow is quite different than if you've lived a detached life of a free spirit. Most of us fall somewhere in between.
By the way, did you know a typical city bus contains no fewer than four erections at any given time? source: The Onion. This means you can take consolation in the fact that there are four others near you who have unmet needs just like you do, as you're about to get hit by a bus.
If you had the knowledge that you'd be hit by a bus tomorrow, there's no time to get your financial affairs in order. All you have time for is to spend a little quality time with your loved ones and then base jump off of a downtown high-rise and land in front of a bus for your inevitable outcome. If you're going out, you might as well go out big. Call a bunch of news media and let them know about your intention in advance. If you had a political agenda, e.g. wind farms should be banned because wildlife birds can get caught in them, you can type it up in a manifesto and release it to the public as flyers immediately prior to your leap from the rooftop. Do not glue your statement to yourself as your mangled body on the asphalt may distort the statement. On your flight down, yell "Allahu Akbar", just for kicks to send the ridiculous for profit news media run by the entertainment divisions of corporations into a tailspin. They'd announce your background as an Al Qaeda operative in their rat race for "breaking news" releases, only to embarrass themselves and retract their false announcement later.
A 24 hour period is too short to grieve. So spend your time eating your favorite food, which is what death row inmates do prior to their execution. This practice has been perfected since the ancient Greeks, Chinese and Romans. If it has worked for them for hundreds of years, it will surely work for you with one exception: In the U.S., death row inmates are barred from consuming alcohol prior to their execution. DO NOT, consume alcohol excessively, however. If you wanna go out like that, then go for something more potent - give Rush Limbaugh a call for advice - as there are better ways to alter your mind than with alcohol.
A day to live is just long enough to satisfy your hedonic well-being. Maybe what floats your boat is getting spanked by a midget. Whatever the case, spare no expenses to indulge yourself in your secret fantasies you've been suppressing. It's time to go balls to the wall. Don't do something too stupid to get arrested and waste precious time. For example, take a new Ferrari for a test drive, but don't crash it, and be sure to bring it back. If you have some score to settle, let it go. Use your remaining time to fill it with as many thrilling experiences as possible with no adverse impact to others.
Do what you need to do, and hope for the best. You just may meet this guy's fate:
This question is always asked rhetorically, and with the intent to instigate a specific behavior to a specific event in the recipient of the advice. Below, I have conjured up the most sound advice calibrated precisely to the amount of time you have before connecting with the front of a bus. I believe this is ground breaking work, sure to introduce some discipline into an unfortunate prospect that is often talked about, but never seriously.
The first of three series will focus on getting hit by a bus tomorrow (parts 2 and 3 will follow at some point when I have time to get to them):
And the answer to "what would you to if you were to get hit by a bus...." is almost always contrary to popular opinion. For starters, it makes a huge difference if you were to be hit by a bus next week, or next year, or even tomorrow; 3 distinctly different predicaments, requiring different reactions. If you have a decent amount of assets under your name, and/or you have dependents, e.g. kids, then what should follow is quite different than if you've lived a detached life of a free spirit. Most of us fall somewhere in between.
By the way, did you know a typical city bus contains no fewer than four erections at any given time? source: The Onion. This means you can take consolation in the fact that there are four others near you who have unmet needs just like you do, as you're about to get hit by a bus.
If you had the knowledge that you'd be hit by a bus tomorrow, there's no time to get your financial affairs in order. All you have time for is to spend a little quality time with your loved ones and then base jump off of a downtown high-rise and land in front of a bus for your inevitable outcome. If you're going out, you might as well go out big. Call a bunch of news media and let them know about your intention in advance. If you had a political agenda, e.g. wind farms should be banned because wildlife birds can get caught in them, you can type it up in a manifesto and release it to the public as flyers immediately prior to your leap from the rooftop. Do not glue your statement to yourself as your mangled body on the asphalt may distort the statement. On your flight down, yell "Allahu Akbar", just for kicks to send the ridiculous for profit news media run by the entertainment divisions of corporations into a tailspin. They'd announce your background as an Al Qaeda operative in their rat race for "breaking news" releases, only to embarrass themselves and retract their false announcement later.
A 24 hour period is too short to grieve. So spend your time eating your favorite food, which is what death row inmates do prior to their execution. This practice has been perfected since the ancient Greeks, Chinese and Romans. If it has worked for them for hundreds of years, it will surely work for you with one exception: In the U.S., death row inmates are barred from consuming alcohol prior to their execution. DO NOT, consume alcohol excessively, however. If you wanna go out like that, then go for something more potent - give Rush Limbaugh a call for advice - as there are better ways to alter your mind than with alcohol.
A day to live is just long enough to satisfy your hedonic well-being. Maybe what floats your boat is getting spanked by a midget. Whatever the case, spare no expenses to indulge yourself in your secret fantasies you've been suppressing. It's time to go balls to the wall. Don't do something too stupid to get arrested and waste precious time. For example, take a new Ferrari for a test drive, but don't crash it, and be sure to bring it back. If you have some score to settle, let it go. Use your remaining time to fill it with as many thrilling experiences as possible with no adverse impact to others.
Do what you need to do, and hope for the best. You just may meet this guy's fate:
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