Somebody's Hapi

Wednesday, August 24th, 2nd week of school for Johanna in Middle School and Elin in high school, both for the first time.

We headed over to Hapi Sushi in Laguna for Elin's favorite Salmon Avocado roll.  Hapi is a small quaint hole-in-the-wall sushi bar/restaurant with limited inside and out seating.

This particular day, our eyes caught something unexplainable:

This female patron left her straw hat on the floor upright, on its brim and to her right.  The sushi bar is too narrow to rest that good size hat on, and I highly doubt it fell off the counter.  Looking at how her bag is laying on its side, I'd surmise she's either inebriated or just doesn't give a chit.  Anyway, hard to believe anyone would leave their hat on the floor like that.  Maybe she'd had a rough day on the beach??

Playing chicken with a Bee

 

Sunday morning, 7:30 a.m., got into my car to drive to tennis.  I saw this bee resting on my front  windshield  motionless and directly in my view.  Should I flick it off, use my windshield wiper to swipe it, or just drive until the wind blows it away?

I opted for the latter, and by my estimate the 45 mph max speed in the canyon should get the job done nicely.  Wrong!  I drive the few minutes at the slow speed limit until I get to the 55 mph zone.  The bee still didn't budge.  By this time I had detected no movement, as if the bee had died and somehow superglued to my windshield.

Shortly after, I entered the 65 mph speed limit zone, and in an irritated state let the gas pedal rip.  65, 75, 85..... No?! 95.... oh yeah?!!!  How about 103 mph bitch?  Can you take that?  Yes it can and yes it did, with no detectable movement whatsoever.  At this point, I backed down because the situation was getting too contentious.  I decided to wait to park the car at the tennis courts and opt for a physical confrontation.

When I stopped at the intersection of the 133 freeway and Laguna Canyon Road for a left turn, I lifted my phone to get a close-up of the bee, but after three tries - bee came out blurry each time - in what can only be described as nothing short of a miracle, the bee came back to life, turned 90 degrees and began climbing my windshield, and after a few steps flew away!

How can a pipsqueek insect even breathe in conditions of warp drive speed for an extended period of time, nevermind that it held on to my windshield at 103 mph??  Does a bee even breathe?

It turns out bees do take in oxygen like humans, and exhale, except not through their mouth and nose.  According to BuzzAboutBees.net, "Bees have pairs of holes in the body called 'spiracles'.  You could call them 'air holes'. There are 20 spiracles in total, arranged in a neat line along each side of the body.  The spiracles have valves which control the air flow in and out of the bee's body.

My little game of chicken with this bee proves bees can continue to breathe through their 20 airholes at prohibitively high velocities.  And this poor bee is highly unlikely to find its way back to its colony, 6.4 miles away.

Trip to Cambria

Sunday, July 31st, tennis at 8 a.m. with some lower back pain as expected, packed and left for the first leg of our trip to Solvang at 10:45 a.m.  My memory failed me yet again to no one's surprise; left the fruits in the fridge, and left the house in flip flops only.  Moving on....

We stopped in Santa Barbara and ate at Lilac Patisserie.  We now eat at places that are GF (gluten free) friendly as Elin is likely afflicted with Ulcerative Colitis (UC).  Great restaurant, UC or no UC.  Elin and I had Eggs Benedict, but the eggs were overcooked and the yolk hard - hadn't experienced that before.  This is a situation that must be rectified - more on that later.  After food, we walked in beautiful downtown SB, bought 6 macarons and set off for Solvang.

Newsflash:  2nd day in Cambria I pulled a couple of muscles in my lower back as I was gracefully rising from the toilet.  What a 'buckets of horseshit' moment.  I've never even heard of anyone pull a back muscle getting off the shitter.  My immediate thought was whether I could walk and/or drive back home the next day as scheduled.  This is the kinda baloney that happens to other unfit couch potato sedentaries.  I heard the Uber charge from LAX to Orange County is $150.  I can only imagine the rideshare cost from Cambria to Orange County; a 5 hour driving distance.  The pain was most acute when I got in and out of the car.  A plethora of cuss words would escape my mouth each time, some of which were unrecognizable to me.

Back to Solvang:  A quaint town and a tourist hotspot trying hard to sustain a Danish vibe.  I bet not one of the 6K residents speak a lick of Danish.  Official census stats puts Danes at 10% of the population.  Solvang was founded by 3 Danes in 1911 who were fed up with the Midwest weather.  I've always wondered about the wisdom of the Scandinavians who settled in the Midwest.  You'd think the folks who left the godawful weather in their home country would have the foresight not to pick the Midwest as their new settlement, but I guess the 3 founders of Solvang were the only change agents of the bunch.

We stayed at the Solvang Inn, pretty much  Motel 6 territory.  For dinner, we ate at Chomp.  The servers were polite college age males, most of whom sported a mustache.  Irritation began to set in when I reached for the ketchup bottle.  It felt empty so I borrowed the one from the next table; empty also.  What are the odds?  I asked our server for another bottle.  He took the two bottles never to return with a useful replacement, and eventually I managed to snag one from a distant table.  Chump!

Next day breakfast at Brekkies next to CHOMP.  Crew was nice, and the place was well managed, nice and clean.  Great place to eat.  On the way back we stopped at Olsen's  Danish Village and Bakery to cash in some of the items from our free continental breakfast coupon courtesy of our motel.  The line was long, weather hot, and what we got for free was limited to second rate items; felt like a bait and switch.

Off to beautiful Cambria, population 5.6K and "a seaside village in San Luis Obispo County, California, midway between San Francisco and Los Angeles."

There's an East and West village; we stayed in East at a charming BnB called the Squibb Houses.  There are a few great places to eat at the small downtown where we were, and a steep hike up the steps on the hill near us - nobody except me wanted to explore the top of the hill; took a lot of effort to reach the top.

The weather in Cambria is cool even when it's hot everywhere else.  Our room was one of the nicest I've stayed at, with oak wood flooring and sections of walls covered with oak as well, a fireplace where Johanna spent most of her time in the room, and a beautiful open shower/toilet combo where I threw out my back.

Downstairs was the common area where breakfast was served, comfy couches and a big chess table where Johanna bravely took on all comers with a surprising appetite to play.  We spent quite a bit of time there since I threw out my back and Elin's abdominal cramps confined us to our residence.

The morning of Wednesday August 3rd, we left Cambria bright and early for breakfast at Lilac Patisserie in Santa Barbara, and this time I gave specific instructions to toast the glutten free muffin extra, and keep the poached egg in our Eggs Benedict runny for crying out loud.

Got home a little after 12 p.m. In a relatively traffic free trip by meticulous design.

If you haven't been to Cambria, go there!

Lilac Patisserie 1st visit

Downtown Santa Barbara - looking for macaroons per Johanna's request

Downtown Solvang

Solvang, Chomp

Solvang, breakfast at Brekkies

Cambria, Linn's restaurant (great food), Johanna covering her face

A not too happy (or loving) Elin posing for a picture under the tree of love

Linn's - Owner is a cyclist and thought I was a cyclist (maybe he thinks everyone's a cyclist?).  He gave us a tomato his son had picked for the restaurant

Other customers kept getting welcome notes, so I complained to Len, the affable front desk guy, and he made us a special welcome note

Our room - I pulled a back muscle in the bathroom shower area to the right and inside of sink area

Front entrance to our room common area

 

Johanna in her favorite section of the room

Our hike up the steep hill

Halfway down the steep hill - view of the street below where we stayed

On the way down the hill

Back at Linn's for dinner - had to order take out because of 2 hour wait

Ollalieberry preserves at Lynn's.  We bought a GF ollalieberry pie that likely was the cause of Elin's abdominal pain

Back at Lilac Patisserie in SB to right a wrong with the Eggs Benedict

Bastard of Wintertfell

 Finally, the perfect menu for Jon Snow:

Better late than...

Valido Trail is in south Laguna, about half a mile, steep climb to the top.  There's a bench at the sumit overlooking the ocean, with a beautiful view of The Ranch golf course on the other side in the picture I took today.

On the way down, there was a family of three who hesitated to walk past what turned out to be the laziest snake I've come across - and I haven't encountered many snakes in my life - but this one was stretched out across the walking path and made little to no effort to move as everyone eventually walked past it, and I stopped to take a close up picture.

After the hike, I ate breakfast at AbhA below the trail, which is Mediterranean/Israeli food - what a gem.  I can't believe I've been going to Laguna forever and yet I didn't know about this place.  Better late than pregnant....

Eggbert: My 8th grader's art project

 

Eggbert Eggsasperated is a long time inhabitant of Alpha Island. IF he had any friends, they would likely describe him as an irritating individual, despite his culinary talents. That’s right. Sir Eggbert is the most infamous chef in all of Alpha Island, even having secured a job as Emperor UnJolly the Rancher’s personal chef. His controversial meals have brought him many customers, and his restaurant, Eggy’s Eggdibles has items such as pickled toes, fried eyeballs, dandruff salad, and even *gasp* scrambled eggs on the menu. Some of his most popular drinks include the eyeball juice extraordinaire, sweat soda, and his monthly special, the sewer samosa. If you ever visit Alpha Island, be cautious when in Eggbert’s presence, for as the locals will tell you, Eggbert literally eats his enemies for breakfast. 

Mood Elevator

Click to enlarge

Friday night in Laguna, as Yuna and I were navigating our way to dinner through shortcuts that included business and residential complexes, we came across this elevator sign near the corner of Forest and 3rd.  What immediately caught my attention was "MAXIMUM 1 PERSON".  WTF??  When the word "maximum" appears anywhere, it's because there must exist a "minimum", and that minimum cannot be zero.

Then, lo and behold, I read the rest of that ill begotten message, which was even more perplexing:  "PHYSICAL DISTANCING IN EFFECT IN ELEVATOR".  Never mind that the entire message was written in caps, which implies yelling, but how can anyone   reconcile "MAXIMUM 1 PERSON" in elevator with physical distancing?  Are we to believe that a person can transmit the COVID-19 to him/herself, and in order to prevent that, this person's infected organs must be physically separated from the rest, and reconverged upon exiting the elevator?!

Will Smith's Mel Gibson Moment. Why "Will Smith just smacked the $hit out of" Chris Rock. One word, "Ego"!

Opinions are like @$$%&*+es, everybody's got one and here's mine related to the Sunday, March 27th, 2022, Oscar incident and undoubtedly "the greatest night in the history of television":

I feel like I can contribute unique perspectives to this colossally embarrassing and unfortunate event, such as Will Smith's slap that was executed flawlessly using a combination of street fighting and professional boxing techniques which Will Smith is well versed in.  As Will Smith approaches an unsuspecting Chris Rock, he looks down momentarily to divert attention from what's about to materialize.  This is a classic sucker-punch disguise used in street fights.  Then, rather than wind up his pimp-slapping arm similar to the preparation of a hook punch in boxing, he launches the attack in a straight line to Chris Rock's jaw, thereby minimizing Chris Rock's reaction time in evading the slap.  Up to this point, Will Smith is utilizing street fighting techniques; divert attention and disguise strike.  After the contact, however, Will Smith torques his body at the hips and shoulder joints in the follow through, which generates more power than just the arm movement alone.  This is classic boxing follow-through of a hook.  In his autobiography, Will Smith alluded to multiple street fights growing up and as an adult during his DJ Jazzy Jeff hay days, and his intense near 2-year boxing training for the movie "Ali" at the hands of legendary boxing trainer Darrell Foster who trained multi-weight class boxing champion Sugar Ray Leonard for 18 years.

I wouldn't consider myself a fan of Will Smith's prior to this mishap.  I've enjoyed many of his movies, and I would put him in the same cohort as Tom Cruise - don't care about Tom Cruise's whack job Scientology beliefs and proclamations, but his acting is impeccable, and many of his movies delightful.  I read Will Smith's autobiography, "Will", and hugely enjoyed it, although slightly disappointed about entire experiences that were left out, e.g. details about his open marriage.

I've always wondered why Will and particularly, his wife Jada, feel compelled to discuss their personal lives publicly.  After all, they're not like the talentless Kardashians whose only game is to expose their bickering and embarrassing moments.  In a November 23, 2020 interview, Barbara Walters told the Kardashians, "You are often described as famous for being famous.  You don't really act, you don't sing, you don't dance, you don't have any, forgive me, ANY TALENT!" Why oh why, Will Smith, and particularly Jada Pinket Smith with your Red Table tell-all talk show, must you confide to the world your inner most secrets and personal experiences?  After all, Will Smith, you CAN sing, you CAN dance, and you CAN act!  You can not only do these things, but you are extraordinary at them, and you have made a fortune doing them; Will Smith's net worth is $350M according to Celebrity Networth.  Why do the Kardashian thing?  Why act so publicity-starved?  Is it because you're so fabulous, you can't share enough of yourself with the world?

In his autobiography, "Will", Will Smith agonized over his cowardly behavior as his father repeatedly unleashed verbal and physical abuse on his mother.

Will Smith, you're still a coward for knowing full well before you assaulted Chris Rock he wouldn't fight back.  Will Smith, I'm willing to bet if Dwayne Johnson had uttered the GI Jane joke in Chris' stead you wouldn't have dared to do to Johnson what you did to Chris Rock.  Will Smith, you're also a comedian, and you know full well comedians take risks with their material, and should be largely unrestrained.  It matters not that Chris Rock's joke was in poor taste and not well received by Jada Pinket Smith.  It also matters not what history you and Jada Pinket Smith had with Chris Rock's past comments in another Oscar and elsewhere.  Will Smith, there was no reasonable justification for what you did to Chris Rock.  To think how outsized an ego you'd have to possess to pull off a stunt like that in front of a world audience is bewildering!

And when Will Smith sat down, the spineless Academy couldn't muster enough courage to remove him from the show.  They're just like you Will Smith, cowards.  And when Denzel Washington and others approached you and consoled you for the assault, who went to Chris Rock???  Chris Rock was assaulted and the perpetrator gets all the sympathy and consolations?!  The only reason I can think of that led to so many people behaving in such strange and unexpected ways is because the assault was so shocking, no one could think straight, and everyone was scrambling to diffuse a monstrously shocking and embarrassing situation.  And in the process, everyone succumbed to their biases, which is to be deferential to the larger star.  Where was the Academy security if there was one?

And after Will Smith apologized during his Oscar acceptance speech, there was no mention of Chris Rock, but the next day - likely after consulting with his life coach, therapist, publicity company and who knows who else, Will Smith issued a personal apology to Chris Rock that can only be thought of as anything but genuine.  The empire of Will Smith is under distress.  Will Smith, you're a "Bad Boy", and you must be held to account for your actions on the night of March 27th, 2022, the 94th Academy Awards.  Let's hope the Academy reacts justly.  Do the right thing Academy!

Lastly, Will Smith, please revert to silence about your personal life, like how you were when you made quality movies and the world didn't hear about much else.  And yes, you are a "work in progress", but hopefully the "progress" is not the forward motion of your hand en route to someone's unsuspecting face.

Thank you Will Smith, and I hope you come out a better man after this, because the devil DID come for you on that Oscar night at your highest moment, and if you weren't a legend before that night, you certainly have earned the title "I Am Legend" with flying colors.  You were certainly true to your word when you wrote on Instagram before the show, "Me 'n @jadapinketsmith got all dressed up to choose chaos".

And here's the chaos you chose.