Ghetto Child Psychology - The Journal

The following ad-hoc recommendations are by no means scientific.  They have not emanated from published and peer reviewed studies in prestigious journals such as the “Annual Review of Psychology” or “Behavioral and Brain Science”.  They have evolved purely from my deficient cognitive process; one that is reactive and impulsive to day to day frustrations of parenting.  Some actions have resulted in adverse reactions, and I’ve included them in my “Ghetto Child Psychology” journal as well.  So it’s not all about do “A” and you will marvel at “B” the result.  Some are do “A” and you will forever regret “B” the result.  The purpose of this journal is to curb your child’s undesirable behavior (or yours), or instigate desirable behavior.

Here’s an example of a “gosh darn it, I wish I never would’ve done this to make my life miserable”:

Article 1:  As my two year old was regressing during her potty training, I decided to show her some of the poop she wasn’t supposed to do in her diaper.  We were using a diaper during her mid day nap and night time sleep.  She became so grossed out at the sight of her poop that she began refusing to poop in the toilet.  She was traumatized by the smell.  So it became an ordeal to have her poop in the toilet, constantly begging and cajoling her.  Now we have to use my Axe deodorant (Phoenix flavor) every time she poops, and I have become so traumatized by the association (Axe deodorant = poop) that I’ve stopped using it.

Article 2:  All parents have gone through and continue to experience this undesirable request from a child:  Very often, while we’re driving somewhere as a family, my 2 year old asks my wife in Swedish to play her Swedish CD filled with Swedish children’s songs that are sung by seemingly some of the most unprofessional singers.  We’re talking pitch problems all over the place.  So in the middle of enjoying Enrique Iglesias’ “Tonight”, I have to clench my teeth and let my daughter listen to her music.  Here’s a psychological resolutions to this undesirable situation.  (I figured this out on the fly today):  As I was listening to my song on the radio, my daughter made one of these party pooper requests.  So I kept my music cranking, and proceeded to let her know the stereo was broken, and none of the buttons were working.  I even pressed on some of the benign buttons; the ones that are pressed at inopportune times and result in no change in anything whatsoever (such as the CD eject button when there is no CD).  So I managed to continue to listen to my song, and by the time I changed the station, my daughter had forgotten the stereo is not supposed to work, and I was ready to sell her my bullship story again should the need arise.