Men are better negotiators than women, but kids put both to shame

In an August 4^th, 2011 Forbes magazine article, Susannah Breslin cited the reasons “why men are better negotiators than women” as:  They lie better, women feel guilty, and men intimidate.  Well, I would have to disagree with Ms. Breslin.  Kids are better negotiators than both, and here’s why:

Every Monday at work, I miraculously miss my family after the h*ll my two daughters put me through during the weekend.  It’s as if parents’ memories are fine tuned to forget all the god awful aspects of raising little kids.

This Monday was no different than any other with amnesia.  I got home from work to find my 3 year old hiding under the dining room table with her eyes shut.  In her mind if she couldn’t see me, I couldn’t see her either.  I spotted her right away and called her name.  Peculiarly, she stayed under the table longer than usual, and muttered something in Swedish to her mom that was incomprehensible to me.  It turned out she had peed.  Then she crawled out from under the table and as she was walking to the bathroom to finish the job, left giant pee footprints on the wood floor.  I spent the next 10 minutes cleaning her and the trail and puddle of pee she’d left behind.

Next, I heated up my food and sat down to eat to the loud complaints of my 1 year old in her IKEA high chair.  It wasn’t enough that she’d made a horrible mess of herself, the high chair and a 2 mile radius around her.  She had to belt out ghastly cries because she was tired.  My 3 year old who found all of this amusing decided to imitate her sister until I threatened her with a timeout, at which point she switched to lower decibel and slightly less horrifying sounds.

A little background on what happened next.  We’d been to Newport Coast the day before, checking out crabs and other sea creatures visible in low tide conditions.  My 3 year old cut her left elbow against the rocks and bled a few droplets, more than she had in a long time since her 6 stitches on her left index finger from another accident.

So we told her we needed to take this gigantic band aid off during the night to air out her cut.  The hideous imitation noises now blossomed into fully blown cries and screams refusing to take the band aid off.  So her mom promised her hot chocolate if she cooperated.  She went on with her loud complaints until we agreed to leave them on for one night.  We figured the band aid would come off on its own the following day in the pool.  Elin immediately asked for two nights to leave the band aid on.  Then she had the nerve to whine about the hot chocolate too.

So she negotiated to keep her band aid on for two nights when she wasn’t supposed to for any, and drink the hot chocolate promised to her for complying, which she hadn't.  Now that’s negotiation skills you can’t beat.