How life blows every now and then! Stomach cramps and motion sickness

According to askdarcy.com, the #1 reason why your life blows is because "you believe you have no control over your life."  For me, it's because I believe, and demonstrably so, that I have no control of my bowel movements (happens every now and then).

I had a dentist appointment this morning at 8:30 a.m. for a filling.  I'd blocked out 1 hour on my work calendar under the mistaken belief that this would be another routine rectifying of another god dang cavity.  Here's my dental rap sheet:

• Fillings in every tooth except my front top and bottom row and two top wisdom teeth.  I've had a couple of dentists salivating over the prospect of plucking them.... but pluck them!  No reason for having dental surgery over two harmless and useless teeth.
• Something like 3-4 crowns
• 1 crown is accompanied by a root canal
• Another crown has been faulty since installation less than a year ago.  I'm waiting for next year to open a health care flex account so I can use pre-tax money to pay for an exchange.

I suppose I should count my blessings as things could be worse.

So this morning's filling turned out to be one of life's moments that utterly blows and makes one think about a nap 6 feet under.  I had to keep my mouth wide open for 1.5 hours, all the while smelling or tasting all kinds of nasty shit.  Every now and then I had to reach into my mouth and remove a tooth fragment 'cause the dental assistant wasn't doing grade A work.  I was laying horizontal for most of this time with my head at the same level as my toes, nauseated.  This cavity was deeper than my dentist had thought.  As I was driving to work, I felt an urge to blog about this experience and other life's acutely undesirable moments.

For whatever reason, the most undesirable moments of my life are the ones I am either suffering from motion sickness, or sitting on the toilet defecating my brains out with massive stomach cramps.  And oddly, it never fails that I become sympathetic to the predicament of cancer patients during.  I was at the cash register of a Pavilions near my place when the female cashier asked me if I wanted to donate money for breast cancer research.  I told her no, but if she was collecting donations for testicular cancer research, I was game.

Can we look forward to a future of no cavities, no dental cleaning (these aren't horrible, but bad enough), and no brushing or flossing?  Sheah!  It's called "dentures" baby!  And at this rate of tooth decay, I can't wait for what's in store when I'm 80.  Is there anything graceful about aging?  If you'd like to read more about how fun it is to age, try "The thing about life is that one day you'll be dead", by David Shields.

My depressing blog entry is nothing compared to what this book dishes out.